This is just to say... I know I was a pain when you called yesterday. Uttering words of cynicism from the moment you said hello. You called for support. Loving words. Encouragement. And all I could give you was a gray, scribbled rain cloud over my head. I am as baffled as you and this treatment undeserving. But! You see, my dear, I'm uncomfortable with myself and keeping you ever-so-slightly at bay gives me an illusion of comfort-- of control. I need you more than ever, yet I cannot keep myself from pushing you away. I'm sorry to be such a pest. I'm trying to be better.

My head is pounding with a headache that temporarily went away this afternoon but decided to come back just now. It's making me lazy and unable to focus. To feel better, I decide to step outside. The weather reminds me more of winter than spring and my headache seems fitting under this oppressive gloom. It's cold. It's soaking wet. I hope the sun returns to Portland soon, I'm missing it's warmth and the happiness it brings to me.

Blech... The weather is yucky and tomorrow is an exam day: Respiratory System and Digestive System. My head is jumbled and unable to focus. I wish I could force myself to pay attention, but I keep thinking about work, someday *hopefully* being admitted to school, and moving south.